A Short Story

Last week, I was the best aunt ever. For two nights and two mornings, I had to be a mom. And I’m so happy I don’t have kids it was great! It actually wasn’t that bad. My sister and her husband were out of town, so I had to take care of all the kid things from Thursday at 5:30 pm until about 1:30 pm on Saturday.

Saturday morning was pretty chill. We had a few hours before we had to be anywhere so we all kind of hung out. It was me, Kennedy (6), Elijah (15) and Elijah’s friend (15). I needed coffee in a major way so I asked Elijah to watch Kennedy for a few minutes so I could go to Starbucks. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Elijah, can you watch Kennedy for a few minutes so I can run to Starbucks?

Elijah: Sure, but you should get me something too.

Kennedy: I want a hot chocolate!!

Me: F*ck, okay, what do you want?

What felt like hours passed and I had an order for four drinks.

Well, before I left, I said to the kids: After all of this, if my drink is wrong, I’m murdering all of you. #bestauntever

Kennedy: How are you going to murder us?

Me: Huh, I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out..

Elijah: Kennedy, she’s just kidding. She’s just kidding.

Me: Laughing

Kennedy: Are you going to murder our bodies?

Me: Yes, I’ll probably murder your bodies.

So I leave, pick up the drinks and head home. The drinks:

Next time, I’m telling Elijah I’m going to buy tampons. Anyway, I pass out all of the drinks and everyone is happy.

Kennedy: Is your drink right?

Me: Yes, it is! No one’s going to get murdered.

Kennedy: How were you going to murder us?

OMFG, she wouldn’t stop asking about how I would have murdered them. I love that she wasn’t concerned that I would be murdering the kids because Starbucks f*cked up my order, she just wanted to know how the murder would go down. She’s the best!

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2 Responses to A Short Story

  1. OMG! I’m in charge of a friend’s three kids (ages 4,8, 10) for seven nights this week! I have never had such a long stint of being responsible for a rowdy group of urchins 24/7, with complicated school and sports schedules. And I was a teacher for 30 years!!! But I got to go home then. Four more nights to go. The comic relief is very welcome!

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