Da Birth, Part Two

Okay, so where’d I leave off?  Oh right, Em just called the nurse a f*cking whore.  That was right around 11:00 am.  Within the next 60-90 minutes, things started to change.  And Em’s contractions got so close together I couldn’t tell when they were starting or stopping.  Neither could Em.  After she had what appeared to be a contraction for 20 or 30 minutes straight, I suggested asking for an epidural.  Em had planned all along on getting an epidural, but because she wasn’t making too much progress (with dilation) she was waiting as long as possible.

But it finally became too much.  They only allowed one person to stay with my sister while she got the epidural so my mom and I left.  When we returned, Em was almost a different person.   She felt a lot better.  But, as luck would have it, the epidural only took on one side so the anesthesiologist had to come back and pump some more drugs into her.  That must have worked because then Em fell asleep!


The nurse said it was good for her to get some rest because she’d need all her strength to push Kennedy out, so we let her sleep.

At around 3:00 pm, the doctor came in to check Em’s dilation and Em was 3 cm dilated. Even though she had a ways to go, Em was so excited.  And then the doctor said she was going to break her water.  So I got brave and watched.

I was trying to keep my “professional” face on, but that was difficult when I was thinking “Holy sh*t, wtf happened to THAT?!!!!!”  Seriously, I was about to call 911 until I realized I was already in the hospital and no one else appeared concerned.  Earlier in the day, someone mentioned that it was swollen, but, umm, that is not swollen.  That is like f*cking elephantitis of the vagina.  It was seriously this big:


Now, it really scares me to think that that is normal.  And just so you know, if you tell me you’re pregnant, I’m going to think of how giant your who-ha is going to get…at the same time being completely horrified that you had s-e-x.

Anyway, it took all my self-control to keep my sh*t together and not scare the living daylights out of Em (I waited until after Kennedy was born to do that).  So I calmly watched the doctor break Em’s water (which was actually kind of cool) and didn’t try to rip my own uterus out so that would never happen to me.

We were totally excited that Em’s water was broken and she was feeling no pain.  Like complete morons, we thought Kennedy would be born soon. 

At around 6:30 pm or 7:00 pm, they started the pitocin.  Em got to about 4 or 5 cm dilated, but then at around 9:30 pm Kennedy’s heart rate started increasing.  Whenever Kennedy’s heart rate got too high, they stopped the pitocin and put Em on oxygen.

IMG_3400  Sexy.  Em is going to love that I put this picture up.  Love.

For the next 3 hours, we all dozed and hoped that Em would get to the point where she could start pushing.  That never happened.

At approximately 12:30 am on Tuesday, November 20th the doctor decided that he had to do a c-section.  Kennedy’s heart rate was too high and Em was not progressing.  I was disappointed.  Em was disappointed, scared and exhausted.  She cried.  But there wasn’t a lot of time to comfort Em because so much was going on.

Within 20 minutes, we had everything packed up on a cart, Em was being drugged and Jamison was all dressed up and ready to go:


Oh and Em looked even sexier when she put on her new hat…


By 1:00 am, they wheeled Em into the OR and mom and I were back in the waiting room.

And at 1:33 am, Jamison texted this picture to me (I think Kennedy was born at 1:16 am):


By 1:45 am, we were back in the room meeting the baby!





Apparently, after the doctor got Kennedy out, he said that there was no way her big head was going to fit out Em’s who-ha.  Well, isn’t that nice?  I’m glad we sat there for an entire day waiting for her skull to be crushed…or for my sister to rip in half.  Neat.

While I totally got screwed out of seeing a birth, it was great to be there with my sister and the result was pretty cool too.



So there you go…the big, bad details.  Am I scarred for life?  Yes.  Would I see it again if given the opportunity?  Yes.

This entry was posted in Family, Weirdness. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Da Birth, Part Two

  1. Chelle says:

    Poor Emily! She looks so frightened in that picture with the hat on. Kennedy is just adorable though so it was definitely worth it!

  2. Emily says:

    Thank god for epidurals! I feel bad your sister had to go through all that but her baby girl is just darling! Congratulations Aunt CW!

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