Driving Naked

***Thanks to SkinnyRunner for the shout-out yesterday…I am honored, although Steph and I decided that we need to stop looking like complete sh*t when we run.  SR makes us look bad even worse.***

Unfortunately, I was a little ambitious in planning my Sunday.  First, I planned to run the half-marathon (starting at 8:00 am) just outside of Salem, Oregon.  Then, I planned to head to Eugene, Oregon to meet friends for the Crab Fest at King Estate Winery at 12:30 pm.   Salem is a little less than 2 hours from Eugene and I knew we’d be able to make it to the Crab Fest on time if we left the race shortly after 10:30 am.  Obviously, I didn’t want to go to the Fest in my running clothes (and looking like sh*t, too) so I had to do some things I vowed I would never do.

First, I had to shower in the jr. high school locker room!  I wish I’d taken pictures, but I was cold and so afraid someone would see me naked that I busted balls to get out of there ASAP. I basically rinsed off in cold water, washed my face, left my hair in it’s naturally beautiful state, threw on sweats (no bra <—I didn’t think about my risk of tripping, obviously), flip flops and headed to the car.

I sat in the backseat and let G take control of the driving.


Oh, and I told G to start blasting the heat.

After 20 minutes or so, I started to get myself together.


I really only brought stuff to fix my face and was hoping my hair would dry into something not-too-scary.  I’d flat-ironed my hair the day before, but it was kind of sweaty from the race so I was just hoping it would kind of relax and dry out.  Wishful thinking.


I think I’d filled in my eyebrows and put on eye shadow and mascara by the time I took this picture.  That.was.so.difficult.  It was so hard to put on makeup after running that far.  I just decided to go slow and hope I was dressed by the time we made it to the winery.


I got the makeup done!  Then I had to think about clothes.  As I’m afraid to see myself naked, I was even more terrified some poor soul driving down the freeway would see my naked parts.  I directed G to (1) not let anyone pass us and (2) not pass anyone.  And it worked!


Obviously, my hair was not going to help me out.  F*cking, f*cked up hair.

Anyway, after getting dressed I kept my legs elevated and did some stretching…I was just hoping that it would help a little with soreness.


And that’s about the time this happened:


Apparently, G got a little hot.  Usually, he would just turn off the heat or roll down the window.  I guess he felt bad for me because I was so cold during the race so he just started stripping.  It was hilarious…I was freezing, it was snowing outside and G was driving topless.


We (obviously) have issues.


So I just put on my sunglasses celebrity-style and ignored the fact that my driver was topless.

We eventually made it to the winery AND ATE SO MUCH FOOD!


But I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.

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11 Responses to Driving Naked

  1. Love this post…so freakin funny! BTW…your makeup looked great…love the color of that gloss you have on in the final “celebrity style” pic!

  2. Jen says:

    What foundation do you use? Your skin is flawless!

  3. Candice says:

    I literally just laughed out loud. I was wondering what the other drivers on the road were thinking as a topless black man drove by with a white woman in the backseat……. hilarious!

  4. You’re hysterical – great post!

  5. LOL!!! G cracks me up!!!

  6. Hubbie says:

    I was burning up in the car with the heat blasting…even with it snowing outside & freezing!

  7. Janet says:

    If I had your body it wouldn’t bother me one bit if someone saw me naked in the locker room. Sadly, I don’t.
    The last time I showered in a junior high locker room was when I was in junior high. It wasn’t a problem back then. But it would be for ME now.

    • Oh thank you! I’m actually such a prude, I don’t know if I’d ever be comfortable naked ANYWHERE (regardless of my body). And that’s probably just one more reason I need to go to therapy.

  8. Janet says:

    My sister and I swim together every Monday night at a local Y. My sister was already a regular swimmer there for about a year before I started swimming with her.
    I was caught off guard the first time that I went with sis to the Y and she stripped off her swimsuit like it was nothing, and proceeded to shower in the nude right there in the group-showers.
    The reason it came as such a surprise to me was that when we were teens it was my sister that was embarrassed by showering in front of other girls at school. It wasn’t a problem for me at that time. Now it’s me that’s the shy one at the Y.
    I asked sis when she overcame her locker room nudity “phobia” and she said that when she started going to the Y she noticed old women, overweight women and teen girls that were able to shower in the nude in the locker room without a care in the world. She decided that if they could do it, so could she. so she forced herself to get over her discomfort, and just do it.
    She says that it was a liberating experience for her.
    I hope to force myself to do the same, soon.

  9. Jessica says:

    I’m seriously in stitches in my cubicle. Contemplating going under it just until I get control of my laughter. I hope my husband drives me around topless someday!

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