Please…Don’t Piss Me Off

Yesterday, I flew home from Atlanta.  I was on a direct flight and I had my favorite seat…a window seat.  Granted, I was in coach, but having a window seat makes me happy.  That way, I don’t have to get up 50 times to let someone get out and I also have a view.

I used to travel for work so I am kind of OCD when it comes to what I take on the plane and where I put it.  I’m kinda tall (about 5’8″) and I like my leg room so I only put my purse under the seat in front of me.  Anything else, goes above in the overhead bin.

As usual, when the flight took off, I fell asleep.  When I woke up, I started to read my book.  The lady next to me was holding a bunch of sh*t on her lap because she shoved an enormous bag under the seat in front of her (idiot).  I don’t know why she did this because she was on the plane before I was and she could have put it above.  Anyway, she was holding all the sh*t on her lap.  Then she started to reshuffle everything.  I wasn’t really paying attention because she was starting to piss me off.  Later, I decided to get my iPod out of my purse and I saw this:

That is two purses underneath the seat IN FRONT OF ME.  My purse is the one on the right…the other one belongs to the b*tch sitting next to me.  Now, my blood started to boil.  You see, if she’d asked me if she could have put her purse under the seat, I would have said yes.  I’m nice like that.  But if you just take my space I get pissed off.  So I started to think of things I could do to f*ck her up.

  1. Find nail polish, open it and throw it inside her purse;
  2. Smash everything in her purse with my feet;
  3. Scream at her like a crazy person; or
  4. Listen to this song really loudly:

And sing the lyrics “the ladies love us when we pour shots, they need an excuse to suck our c*cks” very loudly.

However, I didn’t want to ground the plane or get arrested by TSA and I didn’t know how I could do or say something when I still had to sit by her for another two hours.  So I decided to be ultra passive aggressive and do this:

Yep, that’s her.  And this is your warning…if she sits down next to you in the plane, GUARD YOUR SPACE.  Don’t move your feet for an instant.  F*ck you lady!!

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13 Responses to Please…Don’t Piss Me Off

  1. Sana says:

    I died. Just died.

  2. Sandy says:

    Oh hell no!! I recently flew to Florida and had some real irritating people on my flight too. This lady really went overboard!

  3. @upinthebush says:

    Yes! You totally should have sang along! And as an excuse, just say you borrowed G’s “ghetto card”. It’s not like he needs it in Oregon. My boyfriend lives in Atlanta and I’m in the far north. So he needs his, I’m not allowed to borrow it 😦

  4. I would have moved that purse right back over into her space. Or put it on top of her lap with the rest of her crap. That would have pissed me off! Ok, that didn’t even happen to me and I’m already pissed. I can’t just stay quiet with that kind of stuff so you are a bigger person than me.

  5. Carina says:

    Lol. Awesome passive-aggressive strategy! Love it! Let it be a lesson to all. I would have probably attempted to grind her purse with my feet. Or taken off my shoes and rubbed my bare feet all over it!

  6. Tracey says:

    DUH! call me stupid… what is it that you did???

  7. What the hell?! I hate when people do that!! What does she think she owns the plane or something?! I would of had to step on her bag or something.

  8. scdonlon says:

    Great post. You held it together well. I would have gone bat sh*t crazy.

  9. Ooooh if that had been me, either my feet would have been ALL OVER her purse (for reals get it the fuck out of my space!) OR I would have said something completely “innocent” like, “I think you dropped your purse…here you go,” and given it back to her. There is NO WAY some biotch is taking my precious leg room when I fly!

  10. shacon_bacon says:

    OH. MY. GOD. Why do I think this is seriously the funniest thing I’ve ever read? Awesome. You deserve an award for this…

  11. Shannon says:

    HAHA, I needed a laugh, Thank you!!!

  12. Kathleen says:

    You amaze me with your passive aggressive patience. I would have had to give her her shit back, couldn’t possibly have flown with her crap at my feet. Still can’t believe she didn’t ask you if this was okay. Bitch!

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