Bundles of Joy and Porn

What time is it?  I wish it were “hammer time”, but it’s only baby time.  Sad.  Saturday was Joy’s baby shower.  We were all excited because we knew there would be a lot of food…and a lot of cake.  Those pregnant b*tches can eat a lot.

I guess before we get to the shower, I have to explain a little something.  I went to college with Joy and we were roommates during our sophomore and senior years.  Joy decided she did not want to call me by my name and eventually came to the conclusion that I should be called Porn (it has nothing to do with me liking porn or looking at porn…she thought it was funny because it was unexpected and loved to yell it in the grocery store).  She’s called me that ever since.  Her family and friends know me by that name and I forget until I see them and everyone is yelling out Porn!!!  I love it.  Now, moving on….

Joy ordered a dress for the shower and she received it the day I got there.  She took it out of the package, held it up, and said “this is for an obese person”.  Yes Joy, and that obese person is you.

Isn’t the dress cute?!!  Joy was dying when she tried it on and it fit.  Also, do I look 7 ft. tall?  I told you I have short friends…and before you ask, neither of us are wearing shoes in this picture.

When Joy got married in Mexico last year, she didn’t have a traditional wedding cake.  There was red velvet cake, but there was no cake cutting ceremony or anything.  She really missed out on that so she decided to order a fancy cake for her baby shower.

Totally fancy, right?  I was excited about the fondant…I like it.  Joy said that was disgusting.  I was tempted to eat the bow right in front of her, but didn’t want to completely embarrass myself in front of everyone.  I know…it would have made for some good pictures.

We had a cake cutting ceremony and there were two kinds of cake!!  Fantabulous!

It was gooood and I ate about 5 pieces plus all the fondant the skinny b*tches girls wouldn’t eat.  Joy opened a lot of presents (boring baby stuff) and talked to a lot of girls (is it rude to say girls?  Actually, I don’t really care, nevermind).  I think we were a pretty attractive bunch!

That's Matt's mom, Janet, on the left. Isn't she so dang cute?!! If I were nice, I'd want to be like her.

Joy's aunt, on the right, is hilarious! She only calls me Porn and is thrilled to see me EVERY time I see her. She even suggested that Joy give her child Porn as a middle name. LOVE HER!

Nothing like two pregnant chicks belly to belly!

Also, if you need any recommendations for dentists, orthodontists or endodontists in the Seattle area, let me know.  This room was full of them…stupid overachievers.

After eating and opening presents, we did craft projects!!  Now, I might not seem like the craftiest girl around, but I love a good craft project…especially one that takes no creativity whatsoever.  We made onesies for Joy’s little girl!!  I made a whale…because from most angles, I look like one.

These onesies were turning out so cute that I thought about starting up my own sweatshop.  I tested out my idea on these ladies:

Joy’s family!!  They actually do pretty good work, too.

Front

And here’s the back:

It says "butt" in Korean on the butt of the onesie.

The fabric will be outlined with coordinated stitching.  Very cute, huh?  I decided against opening a sweatshop, at least when it comes to making onesies.  Maybe when I have a designer label, I’ll rethink the idea…I’ve heard they’re very economical.

After the crafting, it was time to GTFO…at least that’s what the hostesses said.  We packed up Joy’s stuff, a f*ckton of leftover cake and headed out.  On our way out the door, they gave us these beautiful, homemade cake pops!

Totally gorgeous and they tasted incredible!  Good times in Sea-town.

Congratulations Joy!!

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7 Responses to Bundles of Joy and Porn

  1. Meganmyday says:

    Your blog is so freaking hilarious and you are so good about updating. I am even sending it to Ivadell to read.

  2. Meganmyday says:

    P.S. She said she would just “skim” over the bad parts and rough language 🙂 She says she knows you pretty well so it will be fine.

  3. Love your blog on the shower…..you make me laugh. So good to see you again. I hope to see you soon when Baby Mia arrives!

  4. xxx tube says:

    Wow Your site is of the chain

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